Royalty

Really, this is what i do all day. Except sometimes i do it on the computer.

Logjammin'

a good boyfriend/husband is expected at times to purchase things he might rather avoid: tampons, bouquets, anything soy-based, etc. but there are things that we are all embarrassed to buy, for whatever reason. people ashamed of their sex life abhor shopping for contraception, people ashamed of their hairline hate asking for propecia, and people who poop a lot hate buying lots of toilet paper.

i find it really amusing that everyone considers buying toilet paper to be an embarrassing event. of course there is the issue with buying 20 rolls at once because they all come in huge oversized packages; thats kind of embarrassing. plus, said huge packages dont have any sort of handle or grip to them, so the package itself is super awkward to carry and it doesnt fit in any reasonable-sized grocery bag.

however, i would think the act of buying toilet paper is something of a public statement of hygenic observance. in buying toilet paper, you take a moment to reaffirm to your fellow shoppers and the clerks - and everyone you pass on your way home - that 'Yes! I choose to clean my shitty ass rather than let it let it crust up and crumble off in its own time'. i should think that a civilized society would appreciate that sort of considerate behavior.

Sincerely Yours,

Joel Lively
Proud wiper since 1981

Wacky Artist Revue

i just saw a bunch of pieces by this guy Federico Uribe (http://www.federicouribe.com/). as always, disregard if you know him and are tired of him and his nonsense.

i especially like the shoelace 'paintings'. they make me think of clay stop-motion animation (there has got to be an easier way to say that) that i think i saw on sesame street. a bunch of little play-doh worms that slither around and squish together and do things. anyway, these 'paintings' remind me of that, but i think i just like it cause feels somehow more deliberate than oil and canvas and brushes. like, it seems to me that you can only manipulate shoelaces so much, unlike the subtleties of painting.

im sure frederico would tell me that the shoelace is a subtle and unpredictable medium, but i wouldnt really buy it, even if i nodded appreciatively and smoothly changed the subject to colored pencils.

Moo number 2

But then my other moob device was interested in talking or elektro comm or whatevs.

Chat later, online Christian soldiers

Sent from my iPod

Moobile

Label workspace and tea drinking. Brought to you by the pointlessness of moobility, mang.

V for Vocoding

It has taken me years to figure it out, but apparently speaking and singing like a normal person is stupid. (Not even stoopid, just dumb.)

And really, I'm on board. If you can say and sing all the things you want, except when it would help you can add a cool 'wah wah' to a word or phrase. Its really, really convenient, kind of like adding emoticons to speech. Which is long, long overdue, obviously.

Seriously, a couple of years ago when I heard some people say that rap/hip-hop were over I thought bullshit, but I didnt really care one way or the other. But now Snoop, Lil Wayne and Kanye have all got in bed (literally) with T-Pain and it is obvious that R&B is cool and I am not.

Its Too Bad You Suck

All british rappers suck. I say this without having hears every british rapper, but Im pretty confident it is true.

I had to work in a retail store the other day and the in-store soundtrack had some dizzbag british rapper talking about bullshit. There were also this new-ish single from Lil Wayne on later, and the kid that was helping me during the day asked me if i thought lil wayne was good. I said he was funny, and blah blah. He said it was good to hear because so many swedes think lil wayne is the best rapper alive (like lil wayne is always telling us), and I said yeah hes a good rapper, just a really funny lyricist. Or whatever; I dont know anything about whats cool.

But now Im watching some ridiculous moose crap on The Real World and these people are horrible assholes, and I wonder if I should be the judge of what they like or hate. Cause this one hoe dressed in ass pants and with gross braided hair kissed a girl in a club, said her mouth was numb and figured out that the girl she kissed was "on coke. Im out."

If those people like british rappers (or RnB folks, cause its the same thing now; assholes) then they should continue liking them and it will be one more way for me to figure out who I do and do not want to know.